


What It Means to Be a Father

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers Infinity War, Fix-It, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 10:09:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14447013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Spoilers for Infinity WarNot specifically tagged bc of spoilersTony told him togo home





	What It Means to Be a Father

**Author's Note:**

> i came home from the cinema like 2h ago and i'm still not breathing

Tony Stark really wanted a kid. He always did, but he felt that he'd need to settle down first. Then he started being with Pepper. After that he told himself his lifestyle was to dangerous, with people trying to kill him all the time. Also, children always ended up like their parents, right? And the least thing he'd ever want to be is a Howard Stark kind of dad. He wanted to be a dad, but maybe he just wasn't meant to be, so he never brought it up with Pepper, and she didn't bring it up, so all was fine. And he didn't really change his mind the second when he found the spider-kid on Youtube and started mentoring him. He liked Peter, he was smart, a bit sassy, kind of reminded Tony of himself. Tony cared for Peter, he felt responsible for him and somehow, within a year or two Peter managed to go from annoying teenage mentee to one of most important people in Tony's life, next to Pepper and Rhodey.

When he and Peter stranded together on Titan, together with Doctor Jerk and a handful alien freaks, fighting for the fate of the universe, the only thing on his mind was worry. Peter was a good fighter, and the suit Tony gave him protected him against any daggers or knives or even bullets, but unfortunately that was not what Thanos was fighting with. After Thanos stabbed him and Strange gave him the Time Stone for his life, and after the alien freaks started to dissolve Tony wasn't even scared for his own life anymore, if he was in the first place.

"Mr Stark, I'm not feeling so good."

Something cold clenched around Tony's heart. That was the fight, he told himself, Peter was just feeling dizzy. Maybe he's outworn himself. Maybe it was because of the oxygen deprivation earlier. God, what would Tony give for a smile and a dumb pop-culture reference that he hated right now. But Peter's face was pale and his eyes were filled with terror.

"You're alright," Tony said. He knew it wasn't true. Peter could sense danger and this wasn't just exhaustion. The kid had more stamina than even Steve Rogers. He knew that Peter was going to go too, but he didn't want it to be true. Peter's eyes were wide as his knees gave way beneath him. Maybe this wasn't happening, maybe this is Thanos playing with the reality stone or whatever. But when Peter stumbled towards him, and Tony catched him, he felt real. The trembling of the kid's body under his hands felt real as Peter held on to his back and hid half his face in his shoulder, crying. Tony didn't know how to be comforting. Peter knew he was going to die. Tony knew. He said nothing, throat swollen and just listened to Peter sobbing "I don't want to go," over and over.

When hisknees gave way and Peter fell backwards, Tony still held him.

"I don't want to go," Peter whimpered, "Stark please," and Tony just stared at his face, eyes red and and wide. If he could do something, If he could just do anything to save him. "I'm sorry," Peter whispered and Tony just stared helplessly as Peter disappeared.

Tony has lost people before. He lost his parents, he watched them get murdered. He lost the person that saved his life in Afghanistan. He lost his Mentor. He almost lost Pepper. He lost his friend. He'd been through hell, and it didn't break him.

But watching Peter stare at him in horror as his body dissolved made something inside him crumble that he felt couldn't be fixed.

 _I told you to go home_ , Tony thought. He should not have let Peter go on that space ship. He shouldn't have accepted his help. He should have just died when Thanos stabbed him and he shouldn't have let Strange give Thanos the stone. Peter should have just stayed at school, he was just a kid. He shouldn't have died, he didn't deserve this. But he knew that this wasn't something he could have protected Peter from. Peter could have died at school, too. Thanos' genocide doesn't discriminate. Tony just stared at the rubbel in front of him, not bearing to look at the ashes that had been Peter's body. The hand that touched Peter's back the last pressed to his lips. He felt nothing. He felt despair and loss and it hurt so much he couldn't move. He felt empty. This was his fault all of it. Peter's death was his fault.

"Where to now?" He asked the blue girl behind him. She pointed towards the orange spaceship and started walking towards it. Tony didn't feel like doing anything. He didn't even feel the need to get revenge. Everything he fought for, he cared for was gone. He didn't know what he would do if he came home to find out that Pepper and Rhodey were gone, too.

"Earth," she said.

 _Or what's left of it_ , Tony thought.

They arrived on earth and found the streets of Manhattan deserted. Buildings were burning and crashed cars were lying in the streets. He kept telling himself there was a reason this was happening. Strange saw all possible futures, so maybe he gave Thanos the stone for a reason other than to save his life. The more he thought about it, the less it made sense that Doctor Strange would give anything to spare his life.

But it didn't even matter, he kept hearing Peter ask him to save him, he kept silently falling apart.

* * *

Tony didn't get magic. Not after he met Thor and not after Wanda showed up. So when Doctor Strange's roommate-sidekick briefed them on a new plan he only pretended to understand and just listened to understand his part. The plan without sounded simple: find Thanos, outwhit him, overpower him, take his gauntlet off and use the Time Stone to undo the damage he's done to the universe. It also sounded too absurd to actually work, but nonetheless he stuck to it. There was nothing else he could do. 

They found him on Titan, which was probably not the best place for him to hide. It was the first planet they searched. Before Earth, even.

They lured him into a trap. His triumph made him careless and before he realized it, he was being beaten from all sides and when he was only semiconscious, they took the glove off him. Thanos managed a terrified yell before Thor sank his axe inti his skull. He said something like "Thanks for the tip".

"Are you sure you know how do you use this thing?" Tony asked, after Wong had attemped a whole book of spells on the Stone, and Peter still wasn't alive. Wong glared at him. He opened another book, flipped through the pages and made a couple gestures above the stone. Time started running backwards.

Suddenly he was on Titan again. Peter stared at him. Peter was alive. Living and breathing and ready to say something unbelievably stupid. And Thanos was nowhere around. Peter still looked confused.

"Did we win?" He asked.

"We won," Tony said and hid his armour.

He put a hand on the kid's shoulder and pulled him into a hug. The icy grip around his heart losened a bit. He felt a little warmer. Peter slowly wrapped his arms around Tony as well and they've hugged before, of course, Peter loved hugs, but this time felt different. He lost him but now he got him back. Peter didn't die. His kid was okay. Tony's vision got blurry and he tried to blink the tears away. Peter was okay, he was okay. A bit confused and scared, but he was alive. Tony held his head and he felt Peter relax a little. Got, how terrified the kid must be right now. Tony couldn't even imagine. He rested his chin on Peter's head and felt his breath slowly calming down.

"The next time I tell you you can't go to space you listen to me," Tony said and ruffled Peter's hair before letting go of him.

"You could have died, what did I tell you about dying?"

Peter smiled at him.

"I'm glad you didn't die, Mr Stark," Peter said.

"No, I'm glad you didn't die, Aunt May would have hunted me down."

"You should be proud of your son," the grey-red Alien said.

Tony didn't feel the need to correct him.

Later he asked Peter what he remembered. If he remembered anything odd, aside from aliens and mahic. Peter said all that he remembered was feeling pure fear, but that he didn't know when, or in what situation. Tony didn't tell him that he almost died. Maybe because it would scare the crap out of Peter, maybe because it's too hard to say.

Tony cherished their movie marathons more than before, he showed up to Peter's decathlon competitions and picked him up from school sometime. But the part in him that crumbled when Peter died in his arms never really fixed itself. Maybe that's what being a dad was like.

**Author's Note:**

> gn i'll cry myself to sleep i actually bought a spider-man t-shirt n now he dissolved n it hurt it was 20€ n he still died im a mess
> 
> i know that fix it plot was half assed but pls it was 2am n i was crying & idk anything 
> 
> edit 9am: more hugging
> 
> edit 13pm: more pain
> 
> i'm just going to keep editing this as i process this i have a tumblr too it's [lesbian-wanda](http://lesbian-wanda.tumblr.com)


End file.
